Now that Isabella's a year old there's a question that keeps coming up - "So, when will Isabella become a big sister?" If I'm completely honest I thought Isabella would already be well on her way to being a big sister. I have absolutely loved become a mummy and the idea of going through the whole pregnancy/labour/newborn process again excites me beyond belief. If you'd ask me when she was a couple of months old I would have said that I would have loved to be pregnant again by now. Obviously it's not necessarily as easy as that, but I also don't think I'm ready yet. Are we ready yet?
When we decided to start trying for a baby first time around the decision was a well thought out one, but it didn't seem that hard of a decision. We were about to get married, had lived together for years and were in a financial position to afford a baby. However the decision of when to start trying for baby number two seems so much more complicated. Can we afford to have two children in childcare? Would one of us have to stop working? Do we have space in our house? Are our cars big enough? Can we cope with two children? etc. Personally, I'm finding it a much harder decision to make. I guess maybe when it's 'right' I'll just know?
I'm much more scared than I ever thought I'd be about looking after two children. Perhaps because I know how all consuming looking after one is and how, if we were blessed with another child, I don't want them to miss out on anything. Just as I don't want Isabella to miss out on anything due to a new baby. Mum guilt is real and we're not even there yet!
I'm scared about being out on my own with two children - what if Isabella runs off? What if the new baby wants feeding while Isabella wants to play? What happens if they both get poorly at the same time? What if I'm poorly and have two children to look after? How will we teach them both life skills? I honestly could go on and on. I'm definitely not the only one to have had these thoughts about a second/third/fourth child, am I? As a result of these thoughts are we best to time a second child around Isabella getting free hours at nursery when she turns three? Who knows.
Aside from the anxious feelings of having two children I'm not sure I'm ready to put my body through it all again. I still have daily battles with my hair/skin (but that's a whole other story), I've not lost the weight I put on during my last pregnancy and I now can't look at pregnancy in such a naïve light. It's incredible and one of the best experiences of my life - I loved it and my body confidence rocketed as my bump grew. Something I hadn't experienced for many years. However, I now know all about how horrendous morning sickness is, the discomfort as your muscles are getting stretched ready for the bump to grow, the constant worrying, the hip/back pain of later on in pregnancy and labour. It hurts...need I say no more about labour. Personally I think I need more time to let my body recover and my mind be prepared to go through it all again.
Having said all of this my heart is constantly shouting 'BABY NUMBER TWO!!' at me. The more people that announce they're pregnant and share cute newborn baby pictures the more I just want to be going through it all again. Watching One Born Every Minute has had me in emotional happy tears every single time, when people announce they're pregnant I'm crying within seconds...whether I know them personally or not and cute baby photos? Well I'm obsessed at cooing over them. Is this just a 'thing' now that I'm a mummy? I was bad before but it's a whole new level now. Just imagining Isabella as an older sister makes me burst with pride, I miss my bump on a daily basis, I can't wait to experience the intense love for another human being again, I miss those days filled with newborn cuddles and I can't wait for an excuse to shop for small baby clothes again...just too cute.
My heart says yes to baby number two, however my head is saying no at the moment. I wish I didn't over think things sometimes and just let nature take its course.
Is anyone else like this when it comes to thinking about having another baby?
Feel free to leave a comment :)
Helen x
PS. If you have more than one child please tell me it's easier than I think it's going to be!!
I said before Jenson was born that I wouldn't be doing it again and I totally mean it. And it's ridiculous the amount of times people ask when we're going to have another one. He was very much planned and wanted and we love him more than anything but I am not prepared to put my body through that again, as selfish as it might sound. I have zero body confidence and I know I'd have to have a planned cesarean and I also have the same guilt reasons that you do. Jenson would never remember the days when it was just us and he was our whole world. He'd just remember sharing us with a younger sibling. And I'd worry that I wouldn't be able to love someone else like that. Plus I love being able to give him my full attention and everything he needs. I seriously doubt we could afford another one - although before Jenson I always thought it would be practical to have another one when he starts school - money and time wise.
ReplyDeletePhew! Ramble over :)
I said before Jenson was born that I wouldn't be doing it again and I totally mean it. And it's ridiculous the amount of times people ask when we're going to have another one. He was very much planned and wanted and we love him more than anything but I am not prepared to put my body through that again, as selfish as it might sound. I have zero body confidence and I know I'd have to have a planned cesarean and I also have the same guilt reasons that you do. Jenson would never remember the days when it was just us and he was our whole world. He'd just remember sharing us with a younger sibling. And I'd worry that I wouldn't be able to love someone else like that. Plus I love being able to give him my full attention and everything he needs. I seriously doubt we could afford another one - although before Jenson I always thought it would be practical to have another one when he starts school - money and time wise.
ReplyDeletePhew! Ramble over :)
My husband is a military man and will be deployed away for 6 months later this year. We know we don't want big age gaps between the children, so when he gets back we will probably start trying. I must not be much of a worrier, as our birth wasn't great and he still won't sleep a whole night in his cot, but I'm always optimistic that things will sort themselves out!
ReplyDeleteI could have written this myself! Having the exact same thoughts, but the other part of me is saying just go with the flow and whatever happens will happen. At least you have one princess for now :)
ReplyDeletePaula ♥ | http://www.la-vida-fresa.com xo
I'm the same...I thought I'd probably be pregnant or heading that way by now. I just don't feel ready to share my time with James. I think I'd feel guilty having a newborn because I still think of him as my little baby - I suppose I always will do though.
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed reading this xx
A lot of people I know that had babies the same time as me are now pregnant again with number 2, so I get asked all the time now little man is nearly 2 years old. Hubby really wants another one, yet I just do not. I love little man so much, and cannot imagine having another one... so this one unfortunately is to be continued! #twinklytuesday
ReplyDeleteA great post. It is such a difficult mix of emotions isn't it?! And head and heart are at war! We decided to only have one for a variety of reasons, but recently I feel like I am mourning the fact we'll never have another one even though I know it's the right decision for us My body is screaming for another baby even though my head knows it just isn't right for us.
ReplyDeleteAll the best with your decision. A lovely post. x #TwinklyTuesday
Oh this really resonates. It's such a big decision with such a mix of emotions and memories and hopes that all fight for each other. I struggled with the idea of having two - the responsibility, the giving up of my body again, the tiredness, whether I'd have enough love etc...I could probably go on and on. The upshot was that those thoughts continued throughout the first trimester of this current SECOND pregnancy and are still hovering but less intense now I'm in it. Good luck with your decisions. Sorry I've got no words of wisdom but I really enjoyed it and can really empathise #twinklytuesday Lucy at occupation: (m)other
ReplyDeletePlus you keep tormenting yourself by pinning photos of shared kids' bedrooms - I was wondering when this post was going to appear!!!
ReplyDeleteWe talk about a second. The decision's on hold until we find out what's happening with Steve's job (hopefully in a couple of weeks) but I have a lot of the same concerns as you - I figure I'd muddle through the two kids thing, just as so many families do, but I honestly don't know how I would look after a toddler whilst pregnant, particularly if it was as tricky a pregnancy as last time.