Tuesday 30 April 2019

PREGNANCY #3: The First Trimester - The Guilt, Mental Struggle and all of the Sickness

PREGNANCY #3: The First Trimester - The Guilt, Mental Struggle and all of the Sickness
I can barely believe it, but here we are again...pregnancy announcement number THREE! Where to begin? Time really is flying this time and I'm now 16 weeks pregnant, which means I'm officially into my second trimester all ready. But lets go back to February when we found out that I was pregnant and all of those emotions that come with such a moment. Now before I begin I have to say that we are feeling extremely lucky to be pregnant again, but I also want to be honest. There is a lot of pressure to feel nothing but happiness when you find out your pregnant, but it isn't always like that. 

I have to be honest, to start with I was scared...definitely more scared than excited. Scared about a lot of different things, some practical, some emotional and some inevitable. One of my first worries was having to go through the first trimester again, which for the past two times I've found extremely challenging. It's hard to compare Poppy's pregnancy to this one because when I was nine weeks pregnant with her we were involved in a serious road traffic collision, which left me with more headaches, discomfort and sickness than I could have every imagined. Both Isabella and Poppy's first trimesters were filled with all day nausea, sickness, headaches and exhaustion, so I knew what was coming with this pregnancy.
To begin with I spent most of my time researching, googling and watching YouTube videos of the first trimester trying to convince myself that maybe, just maybe this would be the pregnancy where I didn't get morning sickness. Every pregnancy is different after all. We found out I was pregnant at five weeks and up until that point I'd only had the odd little sign, including that metallic taste, tiredness and being a bit more emotional. At 5.5 weeks the proper symptoms kicked in and I am only just seeing the back of them.

Survival has been my mode through life for the past almost 11 weeks and just about survive is what I've done. I'm not sure how I've looked after Isabella and Poppy or how I've kept up with the washing or how I've still taken the girl's on days out or how I've got out of bed in the morning or how I've changed nappies or how I've planned a joint birthday party or how I've kept up with work or how I've got through the first trimester. I've referred back to my 'how to survive the first trimester' blog post I wrote when pregnant with Poppy a lot. Personally, I find the first trimester a real challenge mentally. Dragging yourself to bed at 7.30pm knowing that when you wake up you'll be sick and then have to struggle through the day with nausea, headaches, sickness, almost no energy and the guilt of letting two children down is hard, really hard. Having done this many times before I know that it is short lived and that it is a very lucky situation to be in; one that many would wish so much to be in.
There lies more guilt, more guilt that I'm not feeling happy thoughts about being pregnant all of the time. I don't think the hormones help, as I've spent the last two months pretty much crying everyday. It could be from happiness, could be from sadness, could be for no reason at all...my poor husband now knows to give me a cuddle and let the hormonal moment pass. In fact that's another cause of guilt; how much my behaviour has impacted those around me. During this first trimester I have felt like my personality has gone, I've has to rely on my husband to do some of the jobs I used to do, I've been no fun to be around, the tiredness has seen my bedtime be brought forward to 7.30pm most nights, I've had to have a strict routine with eating to try and minimise sickness, I haven't been able to go into food shops, everything my husband does annoys me (who knew he shook his foot all evening, every evening?!) and then I'm left once again feeling guilty, lonely and absolutely exhausted in every sense of the word.
My main symptoms during the first trimester have been nausea, being sick at least once every day, headaches, pain behind my eyes, back pain, fatigue, horrible taste, all food aversions, sensitive to motion, sensitive to flickering light and very emotional. I'm now 16 weeks and starting to feel slightly less nauseous during the day, however I'm still being sick every so often and the evenings are a challenge. When I look back at the girl's pregnancies I finally stopped being sick around 17 weeks, so I'm really hoping there isn't long left now. Then the excitement can really begin and maybe the infamous pregnancy glow will make an appearance too, you never know!

Feel free to leave a comment - I love reading every single one :)

Helen x  


  1. I was also terrified when I got pregnant the 3rd time. It can be scary especially if your pregnancies don't run smoothly. I had severe vomiting from start to finish which was hell. Glad to hear your sickness is reducing.

  2. I was one of those annoying people who didn't have any morning sickness during both pregnancies ... all I had was the need to drink lots and LOTS of milk (daughter) and chocolate (son). To be honest the amount I consumed really should have made me sick ... it was still quite a nervy time though, and I did get a bit emotional at times!

  3. Oh blimey, it really does sound exhausting. I was lucky with my first pregnancy - I didn't suffer from a lot of sickness at all, but I made up for it with a very tough time in the third! Congratulations on your news, and yay for being out of that first trimester now.


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