MOTHERHOOD: Pushing My Daughter Away

Around one year ago I was saying my goodbyes to everyone at work, washing teeny tiny baby clothes in readiness for our new arrival and then waiting very patiently for the birth our of second daughter. After keeping us waiting for 12 days after her due date I was finally induced on the Wednesday and gave birth a matter of hours later. It was magical, empowering and fast (we hadn't even got the baby bag out of the car!), which was then followed with the blur of those early newborn days. Fast forward to now and after a full year of maternity leave I'm preparing for my impending return to work. My return isn't for long (you can read all about my plans for returning to work here), though that doesn't mean I'm not intimidated and anxious about it all. Any change can be scary and this one will impact on our whole family. 

MATERNITY LEAVE: Returning to Work then Leaving Again

As I write this I've just realised that it is about a month until I return to work and my tummy has flipped, my heart is racing and I'm wondering where the past year has gone. By the time I return to work I will have had my full year of maternity leave, so I've been extremely lucky and my return to work isn't as simple this time as it was with Isabella. A while ago I wrote a blog post about whether I should return to work or not at the end of this maternity leave and after a lot of deliberation we have decided that I will return to work for a short amount of time and then leave.

MATERNITY LEAVE: Do I return to work or not?

As I write this I'm almost ten months into my maternity leave with Poppy and although I always planned on having the full year off, my return to work isn't so simple. Do I want to return to work? What is best for our family? What makes financial sense? There are always going to be a lot of questions regarding returning to work after maternity leave, even if deep down you know the answers already. It can be hard to even think about returning to work and leaving your little one, let alone the reality. After having Isabella I was lucky enough to negotiate returning part-time, so I went from working five days a week to three. It worked really well for the most part, as Isabella settled into nursery well and I knew that I still have two days off a week with her. 

BLOGGING: How to Keep Organised

As I started maternity leave this time I really wanted to concentrate on my blog and social media platforms. I really enjoy writing, photographing and editing, it was the perfect project to focus on once I had finished work. When I was on maternity leave with Isabella I'm sure blogging kept me more level-headed and certainly less lonely. It gave me a focus every day and challenged my skill set, things I wanted to continue to do throughout this maternity leave. Now of course, this time around I have Isabella to look after too so it was never going to be as easy as last time. I needed to up my organisational game and get my productive attitude on point.

PREGNANCY #2: My Reality of Being Overdue

I honestly can't believe I'm writing this post or that I even have the time to write it; I really thought our second baby would have arrived by now. But despite all the bouncing on the ball, eating spicy food, pineapple and drinking raspberry leaf tea this baby hasn't made an appearance yet. On the whole I feel okay about this, after all life right now is surely a lot easier than life with two children? But it's not all relaxing baths, breakfast in bed and full nights sleep.

#LittleLoves: Love Island, Babys Position and Voting

Yet another week I really thought I wouldn't be able to write this #LittleLoves post, yet I am. Despite having pains throughout most nights and her feeling extremely low labour hasn't started and we still haven't met our baby girl! I'm booked in for an induction next week, so I definitely won't be publishing next Friday and that feels all a bit surreal. I really don't want to go down the induction route again, but if that's the way it has to be then so be it. I'm just so eager to get the pain of labour out of the way!

#LITTLELOVES: Mum to Be Pampering, All the Craft Projects and Loneliness

Happy Friday everyone! Thank goodness it's Friday is all I can say. It's been my first week of maternity leave and in all honesty I've felt pretty lonely at times. I'm rubbish at being by myself for long days and with Isabella still going to nursery three days a week I'm spending most of the week alone. It's been great for a 'getting things done' point of view, but in reality it's been hard at times to stay positive. I know I need to make the most of it and I was filling my diary up with various appointments, seeing friends etc. but then my car broke one day into maternity leave. This has left me stranded in our village with the scary prospect of having to buy a new car at the weekend (if you're interested as to why this is such a scary prospect for me then feel free to read my FAMILY: When life (quite literally) flips upside down blog post). Anyway it's almost the weekend and we have the Mums & Tots group in our village today, so yay to adult conversation!

LIFE: The pressure of trying to keep up

Life is busy at the best of times, but when you add children into the mix it quickly heads to a whole new level. Prior to having Isabella I was a very organised worrier who wanted to get my to-do list completed yesterday, whether that be at work or home. Throughout maternity leave I learnt to become more relaxed about getting tasks done, doing anything with a newborn is a challenge at the best of times. It didn't stop me trying though - I remember spending 7 hours cooking a lasagne for dinner because I didn't want to stop having home cooked meals...madness!

5 THINGS: That have been hard since returning to work

Last week I wrote a post about 5 things that have been easier than expected since returning to work (catch up here), but it's not all been easier. There have been hard times where tears have been shed and thoughts like 'have we done the right thing?' crossed my mind. I never want to paint a picture on my blog that every life decision we make as a family is an easy one, so to balance out my positive post last week I thought I'd share five things that I've found harder since returning to work.

5 THINGS: That have been easier since returning to work

Returning to work for anyone who has been on either maternity or shared parental leave can be a really daunting step. I've documented a lot on here about how worried I was about returning to work and therefore having to leave Isabella. I've now been back at work for over a month and it has honestly not been anywhere near as bad as I had built it up to be in my head. I'd worked myself up, spent so many nights laying awake worrying and not listening to other parents telling me it's not as bad in reality. So I thought I'd share five things that have been much easier than I thought they would be since returning to work, in the hope it will help anyone who is currently struggling with the thought of returning to work.

MATERNITY LEAVE: 8 Ways to Prepare to Return to Work

So, this is the time that I have been dreading for months, but am now feeling surprisingly positive about it all...returning to work. After a full year off I will be returning to work, which I can hardly believe. Where has the last year gone? I can remember my labour and giving birth to Isabella as if it was yesterday, but the rest is just a blur of love, lack of sleep and incredibly special moments. I have been lucky enough to negotiate going back to work part time, so I'll be working three days a week and being a stay at home Mummy the other four days. This was my dream, to be a Mummy more days than I was working and I couldn't feel luckier. I think this has been a big part of feeling slightly more positive about returning to work, my change of contract was organised relatively recently and it's been such a weight off my shoulders. I can finely sleep much better at night!

2016: So many emotions

I've seen so many posts recently with people saying that 2016 is going to be 'their year' - they have big ambitions, exciting plans and new projects. Yet I find myself sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks just wishing I could feel more positive about 2016.

MATERNITY LEAVE: My Safety Zone

 
Last week it was my work's Christmas meal and despite not actually being at work at the moment I thought it would be nice to take the opportunity to see everyone again, after all the dreaded return to work is quickly approaching. It was nice, it was lovely catching up with everyone and hearing all about exciting things that are happening. But going to the meal bought out emotions in me that I wasn't expecting, I felt exposed.

PREGNANCY: What's the start of maternity leave really like?

Maternity leave. 

The time off women (and soon to be men) get to look after, bring up and care for their children. Invalulable bonding time without a doubt. But what's it like at the beginning of maternity leave? The time when your child hasn't been born yet, your starting to get seriously uncomfortable in later pregnancy and impatient to meet your little baby. 

When it came to three weeks before I started maternity leave I was so excited, kindly reminding everyone at work that I only had 3 Monday's left at work and all of my plans for the start of maternity leave. I wasn't lying, I was excited. We had a big long list of things we need to get sorted ready for our baby's arrival and I was really looking forward to ticking many of them off. The three weeks couldn't pass quick enough. That was until the three weeks became three days and it suddenly dawned on me that I was leaving work for potentially a whole year. I wouldn't be able to chat with all of my lovely collegues everyday, instead I'd start maternity leave alone throughout the working week. I'm not someone who minds being on their own too much, but the prospect of up to 5 weeks (I went on maternity leave at 37 weeks pregnant) on my own the majority of the week left me with mixed emotions. I wanted to have the attitude of 'making the most of it', after all I won't ever have that time again in my life. But I couldn't help feeling overwhelmed with the length of time I would be on my own, doing what would usually be considered as mundane housework jobs. Now I'm not talking about once our daughter has arrived here at all, this is completely focused on those weeks before giving birth. 

Maternity leave started and I was trying really hard to have a positive 'make the most of it' attitude. I made a really long to-do list, plenty to keep me busy and I was genienly excited to sort all of her cute clothes out. When my husband left for work on the Monday I made a plan for what I wanted to achieve during the day, I'm not someone who can just sit around all day not doing much. I really like to feel like I've completed something each and every day - making the most of life. The first day consisted of a lot of washing, tumble drying, folding, thinking about how cute our daughter will look in a lot of the clothes, watching daytime tv and making a tasty lunch (no more paked lunches - yay!) 

The rest of the week looked similar to my first day, with the odd delivery and trip to our village shop thrown in for good measure. Nearing the end of the week I was finding it hard to stay positive, my own company was getting boring, lonely and my drive to tick things off my to-do list was twindling quickly. Luckily, on the Friday I had organised to meet up with some of the ladies from the NCT group we went to. We attended a Bumps and Babies group at a local soft play centre, it was so refreshing to get out of the house, talk to people and have a change of scenery. 

That first week of maternity leave taught me a lot about myself and I'm sure I'm going to learn a lot more as I am a Mummy and maternity leave isn't one spent all by myself. If you have been feeling anything like I was then my biggest piece of advice is to get out there and join groups/classes etc. There are a number of classes you can join before your baby is born, which are perfect for getting out of the house and making connections with other women. The majority of women on maternity leave are in the same boat, they have suddenly become responsible for this little human being, who doesn't come with an instruction manual. Having a support network of other women who are maternity leave too has been invaluable for me. It's meant that I have people to talk to, ask advice, share exciting news, share in their exciting news and deliveries! 

The above experience of the first weeks of maternity leave is mine and will obviously not be the same for everyone.

How does maternity leave change when your baby arrives?

Feel free to leave me a comment or any advice :)

Helen x