Last week it was my work's Christmas meal and despite not actually being at work at the moment I thought it would be nice to take the opportunity to see everyone again, after all the
I live about an hour away from where I work, therefore keeping my work/home life completely separate. This has meant that being on maternity leave has been a complete retreat from anything work related and I've been in control of when I contact work. At the moment work reminds me of my life before Isabella and I don't like that, I hate to think of Isabella not being in my life. I know this will change once I return to work and become a working mummy, but for now it just makes me feel unsettled.
Maternity leave and everything that comes with it has sort of become my security blanket, my safety zone. We go to the same places, with the same people and it's always Isabella and I. My thoughts are constantly focused on Isabella, so as soon as I'm not with her I'm not sure what to do with myself. She gives me confidence when we go to new baby groups, I love that I'm never on my own. I don't have to face social situations alone and because we're always meeting other parents I have no end of baby focused conversation starters.
The baby world has become my safety zone and I wasn't expecting that when I went on maternity leave. I've always loved babies and couldn't wait to be a mummy myself, but to be so consumed by the maternity leave lifestyle has been a surprise. Going to my work's Christmas meal took me out of this safety zone...I felt exposed and vulnerable. All I wanted is Isabella by my side because if she's there I feel like I know what I'm doing and then I'm safe, right? In reality of course I'm fine by myself, I can just leave the house by myself with nothing more than a small handbag in tow (which had to be dusted off for this Christmas meal - last time I'd used my handbag was when I went into hospital in labour, so the giant maternity pad still in there bought back some pretty painful memories!)
I know these emotions will change as I establish my working life again upon my return to work in 2016, but for now I'm going to continue to cherish this precious time Isabella and I have together. As well as trying to step out of my comfort zone every now and again.
Feel free to leave a comment :)
Helen x
Hi Helen
ReplyDeleteI understand what you mean. It's taken me by surprise too being off and I'm so nervous about going back next year. I didn't expect that. I kinda thought I'd just walk back into it but now I feel very different.
Just know you're not alone with feeling this way and once you get into the swing of things again, you will just get used to it I suppose. That's what I tell myself!
Like you, I'm enjoying every minute of my maternity leave with my daughter also. I love it!
Thank you for your kind words. Having this precious time with our children is so lucky and one to be cherished! Hope you continue to love your maternity leave too :)
DeleteAw, man, I totally get this! I didn't go to my Christmas do because I was invited last minute and couldn't find someone to watch Jenson but I'm back for a couple of training days in January before returning to work in February and I'm dreading it. I just hope my colleagues appreciate what a big deal it will be for me to leave him - especially for three whole days in a row each week. Because of my daily four-hour commute I'll see him for five minutes before I leave and get home just in time to put him to bed. I hate even thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteEek! Are you going back full-time? I know what you mean about the cosy maternity leave lifestyle - it's lovely, isn't it? I have no words of advice about going back to work, though...
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure at the moment, I've requested to go part time but am waiting for a response. So nervous! Are you going back to work?
DeleteHelen x
I was the same after going back with my first, I almost wasn't used to grown ups anymore as I stayed at home with him so much!! You do acclimatise gradually again though :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up to #PicknMix
Stevie x
I've really struggled with the return to work this time. I like being in our little bubble and I'm already dreading going back after this lovely break. I hope it goes ok for you. Thanks for linking to #PickNMix I hope you had a lovely Christmas x
ReplyDelete