Wednesday, 3 May 2017

MOTHERHOOD: I am scared.

I'm scared. At 35 weeks pregnant I am well and truly consumed with what life is about to become. In a mere 2 weeks I'll be considered 'full term' and in 7 weeks our little baby girl will certainly have entered the world. That scares me. A lot. Don't get me wrong there are so many things I'm excited about, from the moment we meet her to when Isabella sees her baby sister for the first time. But this is about my fears, worries and capturing these emotions before our family becomes four.

Recently there have been quite a few people who have either given birth or written about what life was like for them when they went from one child to two, which has got me thinking. This pregnancy hasn't been like my first, the start was plagued with morning sickness and from then on there hasn't been too much of a focus on being 'pregnant'. Life with a toddler doesn't allow for those long, relaxing baths I so enjoyed first time around. We haven't gone to NCT classes this time, so I don't have a group of fellow pregnant ladies to discuss...well lets be honest...probably far too much with each other. I know a few people who are due a similar time to me and even more in the blogging world, which is lovely but not quite the same. There have been very few naps during the day, as toddler nap time is my time to get ticking my to-do list. All in all this pregnancy has passed me by in a haze and now I find myself only weeks away from having a newborn baby again.
The cuddles, smell and teeny size of newborns make those first few weeks/months so magical, as you welcome in the newest addition to your family. I'll never forget how naïve we were as first time parents. We had been told that babies needed to be fed every three(ish) hours, which sometimes means waking your baby up for a feed. As new parents do we planned to do as we were told, not knowing any different, so on our first night at home I fed Isabella and put her down in her Moses basket to sleep. Off went the light and we fully expected to get three hours sleep in before the routine of feeding, burping, nappy change would begin again. We were wrong, oh so wrong. We were up the whole night with a baby who didn't want to be put down, mainly wanted to be fed and certainly didn't have sleep on their agenda.

It's funny because I look back on those days with fondness, as parents we had such a positive first experience. I was very lucky in the sense that breastfeeding wasn't an issue, I didn't get the 'baby blues' and generally I felt pretty level headed throughout all the hormonal changes. But this is what worries me about this time. What are the chances it's going to be such a positive experience again? Can I be lucky enough to successfully breastfeed twice? How am I going to deal with not being able to fully focus on Isabella? What will I do on those days when the baby wants to feed almost non-stop? How will Isabella react to having a sibling? Essentially, will I be able to cope?
I try to tell myself that I will be able to, I'll have to. Prior to having Isabella I didn't know how parents went to the toilet or got dressed or even left the house before 12pm. But you do, don't you? You find a way that works for you and you go with it. Things change, you learn from your mistakes and you try something new.

We are about to become a family of four and I need to be strong. But I think it's also important that I admit to myself that I'm scared, admit I'm not sure how I'm going to cope, admit that just the thought of Isabella not being my number one breaks my heart. Every time I cuddle Isabella before bed I hold that extra bit tighter and longer because soon there will be two children in my arms. When we go on an adventure, just the two of us, I try to absorb every last second as soon it won't be just us two in the team. On the tough parenting days with Isabella I just think how relatively easy life is now, compared to what it must be like with two. I joke with friends and family about not leaving the house for the first few months post birth, but really am I joking?

I have no doubt that I have enough love for this baby wriggling around in my tummy now and to feel that intense love for another child of mine excites me beyond belief. It also makes me feel like the luckiest person alive. However, right now. On this day. I'm feeling scared. I hope that one day I'll look back on this and laugh at myself for being so worried because whether I'm ready or not life is about to change.

So, I have a question for you. What is life really like with more than one child?

Feel free to leave a comment - I love reading every single one :)

Helen x
MummuddlingthroughHot Pink Wellingtonsdiaryofanimperfectmum

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28 comments

  1. well i can't answer that question because i only have one! i think its probably super normal to be scared. you never know what is going to happen or how things are going to be all you can do is embrace the journey.

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  2. I only have one too but my best friend just had her second baby and all I can say that looking at her I think it is amazing how much you'll find love for another but I can totally understand that feeling of being scared as a mum to just one! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xoxo

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  3. I only have the one so can't answer, but I think you're feelings are normal and totally understandable. All you can do is go with the flow. Good luck and I look forward to meeting the brand new little person when you're ready to share.

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  4. You are totally normal. Welcoming my second was truly the scariest one and I struggled with so many thoughts and emotions. Then the twins came and I was like Welp! There goes the neighborhood! Hang in there girl - it will all shake out beautifully.

    #ablogginggoodtime

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  5. As Kristin said, you are normal. It is good to read an honest post like this then other parents will start to talk about these feelings too! I have 2 and it is amazing! Watching their relationship grow will make you prouder than you ever imagined. You will do it, you will be knackered but you will do it! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime ��

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  6. Yes it's totally normal to be nervous about it - it's a big change. I think I was naive when I had my 2nd baby - I didn't think it would be much different because I (sort of) knew what I was doing and I had already adapted to being a mum... but I was so wrong - a 2nd baby changes everything again. But, as you say, you'll adapt and it may take time to find new routines and ways of doing things that suit everyone, but you can do it :) #sharingthebloglove

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  7. Life will certainly be different with two. You will adapt I'm sure. Not long to wait now hey. All the best.

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  8. No words of wisdom here but people keep telling me that it's harder being heavily pregnant with a toddler than looking after a newborn with a toddler, so perhaps that helps?!

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  9. No words of wisdom here either. My son is two and a half and I cannot imagine having another. Childbirth itself wasn't too bad, but breastfeeding was a nightmare of a struggle and the sleep deprivation was not great either. I can't imagine going back to all of that. Sorry, I am not helping. You will be great. It will be great. I am sure it'll be different, but it will make you understand how different your children's personalities are and you will love them both all the more for it. Good luck. pen x #coolmumclub

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  10. I remember that feeling of wanting to make the most of every moment with my eldest while she was my sole focus and wondering how I would manage with two. You will manage and you will learn to cope. I found the first year the most challenging. Sleep deprivation was a struggle - there was much less opportunity to grab much needed sleep. That first time I was home alone with two was daunting but I got through it. As my youngest started to sleep more, things got a lot easier. I gradually learned how to juggle the needs of two children and work out a routine that works for us. Now it is very much part of normal life and I don't think about it - I just do it. Wishing you all the best of luck when your new baby arrives. #sharingthebloglove

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  11. My first were twins so I have never had just one child. I am sure it would be hard at first on some days for you all to cope, but once you have a routine in place, you will be fine. Enjoy.

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  12. Sat here reading what you've put, and I know exactly where you're coming from. I remember that feeling well. And now my "babies" are 21, 18, 16 and 5. It all seems so long ago, yet I still remember how it felt.

    The thing I will tell you is a little bit of a contradiction. You will cope, and it may feel a lot easier than you actually think. That said, it is also something you wonder how you do cope. There are times when you need to be in several places at once, and nothing is actually going to plan. But, it will work. Somehow. It just does.

    One of the most significant things I do remember, was when you have your baby, your toddler suddenly seems so much bigger and grown up.

    Anyway, that all said, I hope all goes well for you and your family, and do enjoy it all. Special times.

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  13. I was scared I wouldn't love a second child as much. I was wrong and now have a 3rd too! I find many things easier but the early days are tough as you all adjust

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  14. For me I am at the stage where I am craving for a second child. My daughters father and I are not together, but I have been contemplating talking to him about it.

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  15. I totally understand all of these worries! My biggest concern is if I get another one like my first, who had no concept of sleep for a very long time. He was better at night after a few weeks, but daytime was a nightmare - I had to spend hours with him in darkened rooms, shhing and patting him to sleep. I can't really do that with a very loud 3 year old to look after! And breastfeeding is a concern too - it was such a huge time investment, I honestly don't know if that will work out again. My main goal is to try to be more laid back this time around - if things are difficult, accept that it's just a phase, or take the easiest option to resolve it, and accept more help from people. I've been really encouraged by seeing my sister go through it all before me - her daughter is now 9 weeks old - and she's doing so well. She insists that being pregnant with a toddler is way harder than having a newborn and a toddler. Of course it helps that her daughter is super chilled and a very happy baby! I hope it goes that smoothly for both of us too! Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

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  16. I think most people go through this when they are about to have their second baby, I know I did. I'm not going to lie and say it's easy, but I can promise you it will be worth it. You will cope far better than you give yourself credit for and eventually it will just become the norm, and seeing the relationship between your children grow is one of the most beautiful experiences ever. Xx
    #Ablogginggoodtime

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  17. It's normal to be scared when you are going to become a mother for the first time. You will find that you will muddle your way through at first but you will get there, I should know I've had 3 now x

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  18. Oh I completely understand these feelings. I went through very similar before my second. But I now have three children and the feelings of love are limitless - you learn that as you have more - just amazing how we can love in so many different ways - I've loved that more than anything since having children. Oh I do wish you all the best. Just enjoy. It's an amazingly special time - my three are teens now and what I would do to be able to go back and have them as babies again. #coolmumclub

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  19. Unfortunately I can't let you know what is like as we only have one child, but I am sure you will be great! :)

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  20. I found the transition from one to two children a breeze. You know what your are doing, you are more relaxed and know what is coming. Now the transition from two to three.......well that is another story!

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  21. I understand how you are feeling it's all perfectly normal and what every mum I know went through. I can assure you that you will be ok. Yes, life will be different and busier, but you will adapt just like you did the first time. You have confidence on your side this time, you know so much that you didn't before. Second babies just slot in some how, you will parent differently to how you did the first time. You will find your way. And it will be the most wonderful experience, enjoy it. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

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  22. It's 100% OK to feel like this, and I felt like this too. I had my son, and then was pregnant with twin girls. My husband works night shifts and I was going to have to do pretty much all this alone. But do you know what, we are great and we get on with it. We learn how to adapt, and what works for us. Having the school run to get up for, made me get going. It gave me a focus and a routine, which worked for us all. Just take time to enjoy those little moments, and those lovely newborn cuddles xx

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  23. I felt like this with each of mine and 6 children later I was still worried about becoming a mother again each time.

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  24. Aw I'm having a lot of these same feelings throughout my second pregnancy - I've written quite a few posts about it recently too. I think it must be only natural to be scared, as it's just so hard to imagine. But I like to think that in the same way that I couldn't imagine being a mother two years ago, soon I won't be able to imagine not having two. Good luck and I look forward to following your journey alongside our own xx #coolmumclub

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  25. Hello, I felt exactly the same as you, scared, worried about sharing time and love but a good friend reminded me that you're giving your daughter a previous gift. My girls are becoming best friends and a real team which is amazing to watch.

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  26. I can relate to this! I'm scared too about how I will cope if we have a second, and especially the guilt about not being able to give your all to your first child. But I just figure lots of people do it and cope, so i'm sure you will too! Good luck and enjoy your last few weeks xx

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  27. forgot to add #SharingtheBlogLove! x

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