Monday 24 September 2018

PARENTHOOD: My Top Hacks for Days when you are Solo Parenting Two Children

PARENTHOOD: My Top Hacks for Days when you are Solo Parenting Two Children
My experience of solo parenting is on the days during the week that I have my daughters and my husband is at work. They can be relentless, exhausting and tough, so I can only imagine what it would be like to be solo parenting all of the time. All of the single parents out there have my full and upmost respect; you are doing an incredible job of raising your little ones. As parents it can be easy to forget quite how influential we are to our children; that is until they start talking like you, reacting like you and being like you. Our job as a parent holds a lot of responsibility and that shouldn't be taken lightly. Our children will push our buttons, cause us to feel all kinds of emotions (mum guilt anyone?!) and make us feel like we're never quite doing enough, or at least that is my experience. These seem to be heightened during solo parenting periods; I guess because as a parent I'm even more stretched between my two children.
Imagine if every time you had a child you grew a pair of arms - how much easier would that make life? You could attend to all of your children at the same time, but reality isn't that so I am often left feeling like I wish I could do more. However, on the days I do have the girls by myself I have learnt tricks, tips and hacks to make all of our lives easier. It's taken a lot of practice and it is constantly changing because children have a habit of changing just when you feel like you've 'got it'. I am now over a year into parenting two children (Isabella is three years old and Poppy is one), so I'm hoping by sharing my hacks it will make another parent's life easier or help support anyone expecting their second child soon. Life is a juggling act with two, there's no denying it, but it is also filled with even more love, laughter and exciting milestones!
  • Plan ahead - I've found that being disorganised or 'going with the flow' just doesn't work since having our second child. There's too much that needs to be organised before leaving the house to just 'get up and go'. The day before I will plan what we're doing or where we're going, so that I know whether I need to make a picnic, water bottles, snacks, pack up the travel potty, spare clothes, hats, the number of nappies I'm likely to need for Poppy, whether we need coats or not etc. Trying to do all of this while both girls are awake is when life gets stressful and quickly, so I try to always plan ahead and sort things out the night before. 
  • Have some kind of daily routine - Parenting is a very personal thing and if routine isn't for you then there's absolutely no judgement. But for us, routine is key. Isabella has always suited having a very predictable routine, so I was keen not to change this when Poppy came along. We get up a similar time each day, have breakfast, play, Poppy has a nap, we go out, come back for lunch or have a picnic, both girls have a nap, play, dinner, bath, book and bed. In the most simplest form that's how everyday solo parenting day runs in our house and it means that both girls know what is coming and it takes the pressure off me a bit. 
  • Independent 'help yourself' stations - I mentioned these in my Top Hacks for Life with Two Children post, but I thought I'd mention them again as they are one of the most helpful additions to our house. Isabella is now three years old and not only more than capable to do various things independently, but she also really wants to. We have boxes around the house filled with things Isabella may need access to during the day, such as spare pants, sunhats, sunglasses, scarves in winter, socks etc. It means she can access them independently and essentially save me a job while I'm with Poppy.
  • Have one key activity for each day - I have friends that can somehow fit in multiple activities each day, but personally I have found simply having one planned activity is enough each day. That could be a trip to the park, a toddler class, Mums & Tots, museum, farm, soft play, library, walk around your local area, play date, visiting a friend etc. As I have driving anxiety following a car crash back in 2016 we don't venture very far on my solo parenting days, so our activities aren't particularly complicated or extravagant. By doing one activity in either the morning or afternoon that is just the right amount of entertainment for the girls and the rest of the day is spent either playing at home/in the garden, eating, napping or doing jobs around the house. 
  • Assign chores - Now 'chores' as a word seems so negative and perhaps a bit harsh to be mentioned in relation to a three year old, however Isabella has various jobs around the house she requests to help me with. I had never set out to assign chores as such, though I was keen to embrace Isabella's desire to help. It started with putting away the plastic tableware from the dishwasher (I unpack them into piles and she puts them away in the kitchen cupboard), then it moved onto matching socks up when they come out of the tumble dryer, tidying the shoes away after I've hoovered underneath them and making her bed, as well as tidying her room as and when it gets messy. None of these I have to request because Isabella always asks to help and much to my surprise it really is a big help! 
  • Do things that appeal to both children - On my solo parenting days I will always choose or plan activities that appeal to both Isabella and Poppy's interests because if they're happy then we all are. At the weekends we may go somewhere that is more catered for Isabella's age, but that's fine because one of us adults can keep Poppy entertained. The activities that they both enjoy at the moment are: Hartbeeps, Messy Senses, Duplo, making meals with the pretended food, building towers with wooden blocks, playing with dolls, going to the park, reading books together and our local village group.
  • Multi-task - It goes without saying, the moment you become a parent your whole world becomes one multi-tasking challenge. That is then doubled when your second baby comes along and I've found I've had to increase my efficiency too. If I'm not doing about five things at once then I consider myself 'relaxing'. While the girls have breakfast, lunch and dinner I'll be emptying the dishwasher, getting our dinner ready, making my husband's packed lunch, cleaning the kitchen, hoovering, sterilising Poppy's bottle, getting their pudding ready etc. While they have a bath I'll be (in the same room obviously) taking my make-up off, tidying up the bathroom, cleaning, maybe even applying a face mask if I fancy a bit of a skin pamper session. They love bath time and would stay in for hours if they could, so they're completely happy and I can pretend I've had some peaceful 'me time'...win, win. While feeding Poppy in the morning I'll be updating social media, scheduling posts, replying to comments/emails etc. It is a shame because it can be hard to just be 'in the moment', but life with two little ones is busy and it's the only way I've found to keep on top of everything. It also means I have time to play with them while they aren't eating, bathing or feeding. 
  • Look into annual passes - I find one of the hardest thing about solo parenting or parenting in general is keeping both children entertained all week. Thinking of different activities to do each day can be hard, which is why we have a couple of annual passes to local farms and soft play. It just takes a bit of pressure off and we actually kindly were given the passes by family members for the girl's birthdays so the day out is technically free to us too. This is great for keeping the costs down and often during the week popular day out attractions are much quieter. Some of the annual passes I've seen are the cinema, soft play, farms, theme parks etc.
There you have it - my top hacks for days when you are solo parenting with two children. I'm only a year into this and I'm sure I'll learn more as the months go on. I'd love you to share your parenting hacks, if you have any, so that we can all learn from each other.


Feel free to leave a comment - I love reading every single one :)


Helen x
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15 comments

  1. I can relate to this as my husband is at work 6-8 during the week so he doesn’t see the kids much during the week. Now they are both at school things are way easier because we have the school routine to fit around.

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  2. Helen, I absolutely love your hacks! Especially the idea of having help yourself boxes and keeping planned activities to 1 a day. We found that squeezing too much in meant that everyone was tired and didn’t fully enjoy each thing.

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  3. I love these hacks! I can safely say I do each and every one of these! In particular the multi tasking and routine. I can't cope otherwise. We too tend to do one particular activity a day, even if it's something at home like painting xx

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  4. As a childminder I need lots of arms.... if only it was that easy! I segment my time into little pockets of time so I feel like I am actually achieving something.

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  5. Great tips. Planning one decent activity is often enough, and children need to be able to make their own fun too. Annual passes to local attractions are an excellent idea too, we have so much on our doorstep

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  6. These are brilliant tips for mums with more than one child. I only have one and solo parent during the summer (he attends preschool in term time) and I find it hard to keep him entertained and us/the house organised so I take my hat off to those with more children!

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  7. As my partner starts work at 4am, mornings I’m on my own and that’s tough enough! I can’t imagine having more than one or doing it alone full time. These are great tips!

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  8. I think preparation is always the key to a lot of things, I don't yet have kids so can only admire.

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  9. Oh I wish I had read this before having my second so I could have been a bit more prepared! I love the sound of the help your self stations and having a set activity for each day. We have a national trust memebership and that’s great for days out that sort of feel free and both kids enjoy xx

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  10. I love some of your hacks. I honestly don't know how you balance both. My sister has two that are pretty much the same age as yours and I think she's amazing. I struggled enough with one! We're about to have another baby but Evie's at school now so I don't think it'll be noticeable that I have two until the school holidays. I'll definitely be using some of these tips when the holidays are upon us though.

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  11. I am a single parent of four - and even though three are much older it is still tricky! Kaz

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  12. These are great tips. I was a single mum for five years and it was tough at times. Whether your married or in a relationship or not, the times when your on your own with kids can be tricky. Planning ahead is a great way to make the most of it and I agree planning one major activity for the day too!

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  13. Amazing parenting skills! I don’t have any children yet but I’m definitely going to find these tips useful in the future.

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  14. I think planning goes a long way! My other half always wants to freestyle which I think makes life so much stressful and when you are solo parenting two children that's the last thing you need!

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  15. Oh I love the help yourself station idea!! I’ll definitely try that next time I solo parent at the weekend. X

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