Wednesday, 31 July 2019

MOTHERHOOD: Dear Isabella, I cannot believe the day is almost here...

MOTHERHOOD: Dear Isabella, I cannot believe the day is almost here...
Dear Isabella, 


I honestly can't believe that we are already almost there; it's nearly time for you to start school. Simply writing that down makes my heart skip a beat, partially in excitement but to be honest mostly in heartbreak. Four years ago you made me a mummy. You made all my dreams come true and threw me into a world that I feel so honoured to be part of...parenthood. Those first two years when it was just you and me will forever be some of my most special years, as I navigated my way through first time parenthood, learning so many lessons along the way and having my life filled with more love than I could ever imagine. Then your little sister, Poppy, came along and we all adapted to the inevitable changes that come when there are two children. Being able to watch your bond together grow over the past two years has been incredible; you're so close and Poppy learns from you all the time. You always say that I teach you and you teach Poppy, which couldn't be more right. 


On the run up to the summer holidays we had a few settling in sessions at school and you did so incredibly well. Going in with a smile and leaving with a bigger one (usually helped by a sticker from the teacher); I honestly couldn't be prouder of you. I often find myself looking at you and welling up with pride. You aren't that tiny baby we brought home from hospital or that challenging toddler or that inquisitive three year old anymore; you are a kind, caring, helpful and beautiful little girl who is more than ready for the adventures school will bring. 


It just breaks my heart that for you to embrace those adventures you have to go to school for five days a week, almost every week of the whole year. I've never been away from you for longer than a night and was lucky enough to go back to work part-time after having you, so we've never been away from each other for five days a week. You're more than excited about starting school, making friends and learning new things, but what is it really going to be like being away from each other for so long? I already miss our babyccino dates, cinema trips, spontaneous days out with friends, messy senses, hartbeeps, trips to the park, picnics in the garden etc. and you haven't even started school yet. 


The emotion involved with this milestone has really taken me by surprise to be honest; I knew I'd be sad, but I didn't realise I'd be this sad about losing you to the education system. It feels like my right arm is being ripped off, despite me screaming for it to not be. I really want to dig my heels in and not let you go, but deep down I do know it is right for you. It's the best thing for you and I guess part of being a parent is doing what is best for your children even if it doesn't feel right to you. I have lost count how many tears I've cried, how many heartbroken conversations I've had with your Daddy and how many sleepless nights I've had thinking about the changes that are to come. Admittedly I don't think being pregnant with your baby brother is helping with my emotions and of course I'm hiding all of this from you. To you we are all very excited about your first day of school, waving happily as we pass the school each day and completing your summer memories scrapbook in readiness for September. But what you don't see is a mummy truly breaking under the emotion of it all and wondering how on earth she is going to hide it all on your first day of school.


I don't want you to spend more time with a teacher than me, but the time has come and I know that you will embrace school and flourish in the months to come. I couldn't be prouder of you Isabella.


Lots of Love, 


Mummy x
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14 comments

  1. What a lovely post! She'll be absolutely fine and before you know it it will just seem the norm for her to be at school!

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  2. This is going to be me next year. Erin does already go to nursery but school seems like such a big thing doesn't it?

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  3. What a gorgeous post for her! I'm sure she's going to love it! My eldest starts preschool next month but we are deferring his school start till 2021 due to his age

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  4. Starting to school is such a big step, I remember my daughter's first day I felt so emotional. She will start high school in September.

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  5. what a heart warming post , i admit it made me tear up a little x the first year in a school is such a masive milestone for our kids as well as emotional roller coaster for us x

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  6. It is such a huge transition. My youngest is leaving primary to go to secondary and I'm feeling all these emotions all over again

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  7. What a lovely post. I must admit, I was more upset when I left my son on his first day at primary than he was. If you are emotional now, wait until she starts her first job or goes to uni! It doesn't get any better lol

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  8. I know exactly how you feel, except for me it’s my youngest starting school in two weeks. Picked him up from nursery for the last time yesterday and felt quite emotional.

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  9. Oh my heart . I know how you feel , I’ve been there and will be doing it again next year . She will have the best time x

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  10. I think it would be fun to get her to write a letter with help and then keep them together until she is ready to graduate to a bigger school.

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  11. Oh wow what an exciting time for everyone and the next stage in you and your daughters journey

    Laura x

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  12. It's such a big transition, for everyone. Jenson starts in a few weeks too and, like you, I've been fortunate to work part-time, so I've worked Monday-Wednesday then we've had Thursdays together, Friday nursery, then the whole weekend together. We're all adapting our routines to work around school and the holidays. I'm grateful that he's so excited to start and just hope it lasts.

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