Thursday 27 August 2015

BABY: Moving on can be hard...

For a while now I've been feeling sad, almost mourning a stage in our life that we will never get back. When our daughter was born it was inevitable that our lives would change - a change I was excited about.
I've always wanted children and I felt incredibly lucky that our day had come to meet our daughter and start the new chapter of our lives. You may think that I'm talking about mourning the life we had before, the life where we could leave the house with only my handbag, the life where going for a meal was a relaxing experience, the life where we could sleep all night and even treat ourselves to a lie in at the weekends. But that's not the stage in my life I miss, not yet anyway - I'm only 4.5 months into motherhood and I'm sure the time will come when I miss those things too. 

I actually miss those newborn days, for weeks I would look at Isabella wishing she would be that tiny newborn baby again. The one that would scrunch herself up like she was in my womb again, the one that would love nothing more than to snuggle into my chest and fall asleep, the one that squeaked when she was waking up, the one that wasn't interested in the big wide world because we were her world. We were all she knew and we were getting to know all of her quirks, needs and wants. Those early weeks were just such an incredible journey, one I will never forget and one that I feel sad is over. 

For a couple of weeks I was such a mix of emotions - I was sad that those newborn days were over but conscious of not spending the whole time feeling sad instead of embracing all of the new skills, quirks and personality that was shining through as Isabella grew older. I feel like a sponge who wants to absorb and remember every single little thing Isabella does, so when I start to notice she's not doing certain things anymore I can't help but kind of 'mourn' that. 

After a couple of weeks of this 'mourning attitude' I began to realise that I could either spend time wishing things wouldn't change and that Isabella would stay small forever or I could embrace every stage of her life. Along with the inevitable changes that occur. I chose the latter and have felt so much happier since. Isabella is changing so much, some days it feels like if I blink I will miss something new she's doing and I'm loving it! Her personality is really starting to shine through.

For the first time in a good few weeks I'm really looking forward to the future instead of looking back at the past and for that I'm really excited! Though I will of course miss those newborn days and every other stage that passes throughout Isabella's life, the future is just so exciting now we have her in our lives and I'm so thankful for that.

Did you miss certain stages of your child's life?

Feel free to leave me a comment :)

Helen x
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  1. Oh, I totally get that! We met our newest nephew last weekend and he's only four weeks old - eight weeks younger than Jenson. It was weird remembering what Jenson was like at that age and how much has already changed. Because we only plan on having the one child it really hits home that we'll never get to experience some things again - but then we watch him grow and become more engaged and develop new skills and it doesn't take much to realise how much there is to look forward to. Parenting is such a mix of emotions!

  2. I've always found kids more and more interesting as they get older so I'm not mourning the newborn stage but occasionally I realise that Matilda is not going to be THIS age forever and I just cannot get my head around her being three or thirteen or thirty - she's such a little *person* that I kind of forget she's not done developing.

    1. I knwo what you mean - I always forget that I will also grow older as Isabella does. The idea of having a teenager now scares me SO much but I will have also grown 13 years older....and hopefully have the strength to parent a hormonal teenager!

      Helen x


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