Friday 16 September 2016

TODDLER: Yesterdays unexpected slight heartbreak

Something happened yesterday that completely took me aback, something I wasn't expecting and something that upset me more than I thought it would. Isabella fell asleep by herself. Now to some this won't seem a big deal, to others it will be their normal sleep routine, but to me it isn't and I didn't like it.

It was around 10.30am and Isabella was rubbing her eyes signalling she was tired. So I got her a beaker of milk and we went upstairs, just like normal. I changed her nappy, read her a story, she finished her milk and then turned around and started cuddling me.

For a long time now she has fallen asleep on me, I treasure the time so much. Some may say that she shouldn't be and she should be self settling by now, but that just hasn't worked for us. For over a year we didn't let Isabella fall asleep on us, instead we'd spend hours (sadly that's not even an exaggeration) bent over her cot rubbing her back or shhing or singing or laying on the floor next to her or playing music or standing further and further away from her cot each night. Nothing worked and she wasn't sleeping through the night. We then decided to start letting her fall asleep on me, transfer her to her cot and see how she slept. Guess what? She slept through the night! As you can imagine we've continued using this method because its meant she has slept through the night, pretty much constantly for months now. This goes against all of the research I've ever read, but it works for us and that's what matters.
I absolutely love the quiet, still time at the end of a hectic day, whether that's been spent at work or chasing after Isabella. I can watch my baby fall into a deep sleep, the random smiles in her dreams and most of all be close to her. Toddler's don't like staying still, so having this time is just so important to me and I'm in no rush to change anything. After all Isabella will only be little for such a short amount of time and I plan to treasure it as much as I can.

Well that is until Isabella decides to change things, like she did yesterday morning. She was cuddling me for a minute or so before sitting up and pointing towards the cot. I thought she wanted one of her cuddly toys so I gave her one, but she pointed at the cot again. I asked her if she wanted a cuddle or to go in the cot and she once again pointed at the cot. That was the beginning of my heart feeling slightly broken. So I put her down and walked out of her bedroom, fully expecting her to start crying. That's what she usually does, but not this time. She fell asleep, all by herself, like a big girl.
I should be proud and I guess I am a bit, but right now is the slightly heartbreaking feeling that my daughter doesn't need me to fall asleep anymore. She's my baby and I always want her to need me. I want to cuddle her to sleep forever, even though I obviously know that's not going to happen. I can just imagine teenage Isabella simply cringing at the thought! But you know what I mean, she'll be my baby forever and the idea that she's becoming more independent is honestly breaking my heart a little bit.

I spent the whole nap time willing for her to wake up, so I could give her the biggest hug! As soon as she woke up we headed into the countryside, where it was just the two of us and explored. Then she put her arms up to me to show she wanted me to carry her and everything seemed ok again. She needed me once more.

Parenting is such an emotional rollercoaster, isn't it?

Feel free to leave a comment :)

Helen x
You Baby Me MummyA Cornish Mum
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16 comments

  1. Aw bless her heart. MY youngest is 8 months and in a phase where some nights only mummy's arms will do, not every night though. A part of me was worried when it started as i'm going back to work next month doing 2 evenings, but now a part of me is grateful i get to have that wonderful experience of having my baby fall asleep in my arms and mine alone, because he is happy and safe and loved. xx #picnmix

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  2. Aw, bless her. It's funny how we wish for them to sleep better in the middle of the night, and then when it suddenly changes we miss the way things were... But as you say, always our babies.

    I'm sort of looking forward to not being expected to always carry... But you've made me remember to appreciate while it lasts. Thank you. Xx
    #TheList

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  3. Aww, being a parent is so hard. Just be proud that you and are raising a little girl who knows her own mind and feels sufficiently supported to be independent. Treasure every moment with her. xx
    #PicknMix

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  4. Ah bless her, they grow up so quickly!

    #PicknMix

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  5. Ah she has just taken a little leap and realised she can sleep alone when she is that tired!! It may be just a one off but the self settling is a lifesaver. Trust me your daughter will still be as cuddly all around the sleeping - mine is and it is lovely and so special. They always need you xx #binkylinky

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  6. aww, that is so sweet. I hate that people feel pressure to get there babies to sleep a certain way. If you enjoy cuddling her to sleep then there really is no problem is there? Your sleep time routine sounds so beautiful. My little one is FULL of beans all the time, you wouldn't think she was tired at all ever! so we have never really gotten cuddle time before bed. She will very rarely sit in my lap for a story. The other day she did though, and she kept looking up at me and giving me kisses! It was such a nice moment!! Don't worry, your baby will need you for a very long time! I still need my mum!

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  8. It's often the little things that make us well up and remind us that they're growing up far too quickly for our liking! Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky

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  9. Awww parenting is bittersweet... It's great to hear that she finally sleep on her own and sleep through the night as well, it's a huge achievement. #binkylinky

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  10. My little girl was the complete opposite...she would only ever fall asleep on her own in her cot, I used to be so jealous of other mums who's babies would fall asleep in their arms! Isabella is absolutely gorgeous by the way :-) #binkylinky

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  11. I remember feeling like this when Miss L stopped saying 'pootfrints' and instead called them 'footprints', it really did break my heart because I knew she was growing up. Today she asked me to not lie and tell her if Santa is real (ok she is almost 11, but why?). Growing up is full of heartache mixed with pride for us mummies, but I'll bet you now, she will never tire of wanting cuddles with you x

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  12. I can totally relate. My daughter hasn't needed me to fall asleep but she's needed me in others ways only to stop suddenly overnight. When it happens it does throw you. But I guess it's a feeling we have to accept we'll have more often than we'd like... #TheList

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  13. Awww, I know I've said this elsewhere but we've had this a couple of times and it's still the exception - you'll probably have a lot of sleepy cuddles to come!

    People will judge you for cuddling her to sleep; people would judge you for not cuddling her to sleep. You can't win - you have to do what's right for your family (though, for the record: my health visitor told me the current official advice is cuddling over crying). If you want an expert who supports gentle parenting, try Sarah Ockwell-Smith or Dr Sears. :-)

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  14. Yeah sometimes the research just does go out of the window. I can think of times we've had to go against things but it's worked for us. I'm sure she'll need her sleep cuddles again before long too.
    Potty Adventures
    #binkylinky

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  15. Totally right to do what works for you and her. Our Little Bear needs to be bounced to sleep, and I always hold him to fall asleep at nights. I've been told it'll establish bad habits, so hearing that at some point he'll just do it himself makes me feel better about it. But he's so tiny at the moment, and like you say, it can be really nice to hold them as they drift off to sleep.
    #Binkylinky

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  16. Oh no! Ava has never fallen asleep on her own we always cuddle to sleep and although sometimes it's frustrating I can't imagine not doing it. I will definitely be upset when it no longer happens. Maybe it was a one off. Thanks for linking to picknmix x

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