Wednesday 25 September 2019

PREGNANCY #3: The Pressure of Keeping Everything Going.

PREGNANCY #3: The Pressure of Keeping Everything Going.
There always seems to be a point in pregnancy when things start to become real, the anticipation peaks and the final preparations are being done. That is 37 weeks for me, when I'm full term and it really is a waiting game. It's a funny one really because I spend the majority of the pregnancy willing 37 weeks to arrive, so that our baby will be born when they are fully ready, yet the moment I get there everything changes. I become anxious, worried, unsure and most of all completely preoccupied with trying to guess when our baby will make an appearance. This is where I'm at right now. I'm currently two days off 38 weeks and feel like I'm crumbling under the pressure of everything. 

This is pressure I'm putting on myself, but that doesn't mean I can just 'shake it off'. For some reason third time around there seems to be a lot more pressure; perhaps it's down to our home life now or that there are two other children to consider or the time of year. I think it's probably a combination of everything, which is leaving me feeling uncertain and anxious. 
I've always had spring babies and something as simple as the time of year this baby is due is making me feel like a first time parent again, not to mention the fact that we're expecting our first boy too. As magical as it was being a first time parent it was a steep learning curve and with the experience we now have it has surprisingly been quite disconcerting to feel like you don't know anything. I know (hope) that once he arrives we will settle into life with a baby boy really quickly and the simple things like changing his nappy won't feel quite so intimidating as they do now. We are both so excited about experiencing having a son this time around and seeing how the dynamics of our family changes, but I have to admit that there are so many unknowns with it all that I am a bit worried. It's not just the nappy changing, it's choosing a name (the hours we must have spent trying to decide on one already...all with no success), knowing how to dress him, are the milestones any different?, potty training etc. The list could go on; I am excited for the challenge, but fear I'll get things wrong too.

One of the biggest pressures this time, which is different to every other pregnancy I've had, is the school run. Isabella started school this September, which she is beginning to really love now and it has surprised me how quickly we've got into a new routine. However, throw a newborn baby and recovering from labour into the mix and I'm worried about letting Isabella down. A few of my friends who's children also go to Isabella's school have very kindly offered to take her/pick her up if I need them too, which is such a relief to have that back up plan but I really don't want to let Isabella down so early on into her school life. During the week now I barely have to do anything for her, really it is just making sure she gets to school on time and is picked up on time. I don't want to not be able to do that for her. I also worry that if I do have to then it is a quick way to make her feel pushed/left out when the baby boy arrives, which is obviously something I don't want her to ever feel. 

It's not really the having a little baby that I'm most concerned about when it comes to the school run because he'll hopefully be happy in a sling or the pushchair for the few minutes it takes to get to and from school; it's the recovery time from labour. Although I'm not planning on having a C-section you never know what may happen and even if it doesn't go down that route I had a pretty traumatic birth with Isabella, which resulted in months of pain and discomfort. Poppy's labour was an induction at 41.5 weeks and was incredibly quick, luckily resulting in a very easy and smooth recovery. Nothing like my first experience! If this labour is like Poppy's then that's absolutely fine, but I'm so scared about things going wrong, intervention being needed and a long, uncomfortable recovery. I know I won't know what my labour is like until he's here, so I'm trying really hard to accept that. I just can't see how I will make it to school and back twice a day, but I guess if I have to, I have to.
There are a few other pressures that have been playing on my mind, including my husband's 30th birthday being only a few days after I could potentially give birth, Christmas being so close afterwards and the fact that I work from home now, so maternity leave is a luxury I simply don't have. I won't be taking any time off and although I do love what I do and this is my choice it does add a bit more pressure to the situation. My husband has said that he doesn't mind if nothing happens for his birthday and that we'll all be together for Christmas, but I don't want to let him down (why do we have to feel guilty about everything in life?!) and I want to make his 30th special...I just don't know how yet because it seems impossible to plan anything without knowing when the baby will arrive. Christmas is typically a time of travelling around seeing lots of different people, which worries me with such a small baby. I don't want the fact we've had a baby near to Christmas mean that Isabella and Poppy miss out on experiences, visiting family/friends and that any of the magic is taken away. I'm trying to be as organised as possible, in an attempt to ease my worries, so hopefully it will all work out in the end.

Lastly, but probably the most important is that I'm scared about being a family of five. I wrote a blog post all about being scared about becoming a family of four when I was 35 weeks pregnant with Poppy, which is funny to read back now because I can't even remember what life was like as a family of three. It also made me realise that perhaps this is just how I will always feel in the last few weeks of pregnancy; something I need to accept and work through. All of the concerns in that blog post are how I'm feeling again now, yet everything worked out alright in the end second time around, so I'm sure they will third time around. Only time will tell.

Feel free to leave a comment - I love reading every single one :)

Helen x


  1. It's normal to worry about things whilst pregnant, in fact I think the hormones kick in and make us worry that bit more. You will manage to juggle all the different things simply because you have to and it will all work out in the end. That's coming from a mum of 3 children. Good luck :-)

  2. Oh gosh, this has brought back memories! I too worried about all of the things you are worrying about. I think it's perfectly natural to worry, there will be lots of changes to get used to, but try to enjoy it and just do your best, because that will be more than enough!!

  3. I remember my SIL was very anxious when she was at the end of her pregnancy but before it arrived, the was wishing it to come soon.

  4. I felt really blessed having my second baby in Germany, where you are signed off work six weeks before your due date. And as I also still had annual leave to take, I had about 8 weeks. Just having two whole months off to prepare (my eldest kept going to nursery during that time) took a lot of pressure off me.

  5. Pregnancy stages was never an easy thing. The anxiety is real and experienced that.All we need is not to overthink and relax.

  6. I remember this time well as my daughter had only started school in the September and my youngest was due in the January. Don't get me wrong there were days when things didn't go to plan but on the whole it just slotted together. You will be fine Mummy xx


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