LIFE: The pressure of trying to keep up

Life is busy at the best of times, but when you add children into the mix it quickly heads to a whole new level. Prior to having Isabella I was a very organised worrier who wanted to get my to-do list completed yesterday, whether that be at work or home. Throughout maternity leave I learnt to become more relaxed about getting tasks done, doing anything with a newborn is a challenge at the best of times. It didn't stop me trying though - I remember spending 7 hours cooking a lasagne for dinner because I didn't want to stop having home cooked meals...madness!

MOTHER: How do you know what is best?

When we found out we were expecting our first baby I hadn't anticipated the changes in which others interact with me.

Stroking my tummy without being invited somehow became okay,

Asking when/how we conceived our child somehow became okay,

Asking constantly about personal choices like whether we're going to find out the gender of our baby somehow became okay,

Then frowning upon YOUR choice or decision somehow became okay,

 Whilst sharing every piece of unwanted advice with you somehow became okay,

Insisting you breastfeed because 'breast is best' somehow became okay,

Reeling off the negatives of giving your child a dummy somehow became okay.

I know that everyone has an opinion, that's fine. But when your about to become parents (or already are parents) you are constantly bombarded with advice/opinions/pressure - it can all get a bit too much! I'm naturally a worrier, it's in my nature, so being faced with all of this helpful advice has become very overwhelming at times. How am I supposed to know what is best for our baby? What is best for US?

Midwives, family members, couples at antenatal classes, work colleagues, friends, even the next door neighbour will have invaluable pieces of advice for you. Talking about raising children seems to be a discussion that everyone likes to get involved in, everyone has an opinion on what is best. As someone who is a new parent, this terrifies me. I don't want to ignore all of the advice - after all Mum's have been there and know what to expect.

Parenthood is new world for us at the moment. But at the same time our decisions aren't going to please everyone, yet somehow I do feel a certain pressure to try and please everyone. A pressure I wish I didn't feel and it makes me upset that I do. I know we should just ignore everyone else and go with what is best for us, but how do I know what's best? We are on the learning journey every new parent goes on and that excites me just as much as it scares me. I think that's natural, parenthood is life changing after all.

Has anyone else felt like this?

Feel free to share your experiences below!

Helen x 

PREGNANCY: A Message To Everyone Who Has Compromised My Personal Space...

I have enjoyed watching my bump grow week on week, the process of our baby growing inside me has given me a whole new level of respect for my body. I just keep wishing I had known how inspiring my body would be when I was a self conscious teenager, hating everything about my body! If you're lacking respect for your body right now, just think one day it could produce another human being. That's pretty wonderful if you ask me!

Becoming pregnant is such a magical time of your life - a journey you will inevitably learn a lot about yourself and your body - but unfortunately (in my opinion) you somehow become public property. Or at least a lot of people think so.

Pregnant women and baby bumps have always fascinated me - what did it feel like to have a baby inside you? What does it feel like when the baby kicks? How do you sleep with such a big bump? When do you adopt the pregnant waddle? - so many questions and intrigue but I didn't start stroking random women's bumps or asking inappropriate questions. Not everybody I've come across during my pregnancy follows this usual social etiquette though, for some people I can now be seen as public property. All because my husband and I decided to have a baby - a decision WE made and a journey WE are sharing. Not a decision or journey that everyone and their dog needs to be or should be involved in. Don't get me wrong, I love sharing some aspects of my pregnancy, baby kicks and growing bump with the people I love (and all your lovely blog readers!) but surely it's up to ME what/when/where/how/who I want to share things with? No?

During the however many weeks I have been pregnant and people have known about it, I have been faced with a range of awkward situations that just wouldn't have been considered acceptable had I not been pregnant. Like the time that I was only 16 weeks pregnant (so barely had a bump) and someone lent over me saying "Oh you don't mind if I stroke your bump, do you?", while they were stroking my 'bump'. In other words they were stroking my slightly wobbly tummy, that I certainly didn't want people to be touching or stroking! But what can you say when they are already doing what they're asking is ok?! It's awkward. I shook the situation off with an unsure laughter, wishing that it wouldn't happen again. But it did, in fact it did later that day. I was saying goodbye to someone and they managed to wiggle their hand through my coat to stroke my tummy, I was shocked. I felt so uncomfortable and just scurried off - since when is it appropriate to put your hand under someone else's coat and touch their tummy? It seems since you announce your pregnancy, but that shouldn't be the case in my opinion. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean my body becomes public property. In fact my body is going through so many changes that I may or may not be feeling more self conscious than usual - making these inappropriate situations even more uncomfortable.

When I announced I was pregnant a lot of Mum's did warn me that this 'public property' situation would happen, but does that make it ok? Is it ok that women have come to expect it when they announce a pregnancy?

Personally, I don't think so.

A message to everyone who has compromised my personal space and privacy during this pregnancy, please remember:

It's my body, going through a journey my husband and I are sharing and if I/we want to share something with you then I/we will. If not then please keep your questions, advice, pressure and hands to yourself.

Thank you.

Did you struggle with this 'public property' aspect of being pregnant?

I'd love to hear your experiences too :)

Helen x