Wednesday 1 August 2018

NURSERY: Ways to Support your Child to Settle in Quickly

NURSERY: Ways to Support your Child to Settle in Quickly
Sending your little one off to nursery or any form of childcare can be a really scary and big step for parents, especially as it usually coincides with returning to work after maternity leave. Leaving your baby in someone else's care can be hard, but once you've found a nursery that you're happy with it can bring some level of reassurance. When we looked around at nurseries for Isabella we settled on two we liked in our local area and made enquires about her starting at both. Once we had access to all the relevant information (fees, holidays, policies, menus and structure of the day) we were then able to make a decision on which was best for us. We did in fact originally really want Isabella to go to a nursery a few villages away, but they didn't have the right days available so she ended up at a different nursery. It ended up being a blessing in disguise because she absolutely loves her nursery now, as do we. 

Despite going through the whole settling-in sessions with Isabella I still felt nervous about starting them with Poppy. She is a very clingy baby and cries when unfamiliar family members look at her, let alone try to hold her. As we don't have family nearby for most of the girls life it is just me and then their Daddy in the evenings and weekends. As babies they didn't get much experience of someone else looking after them, which I think made the milestone of starting nursery even more daunting. 

As Poppy's first settling in session approached I did a few things to help prepare her:
  • Put a comforter in her cot - Though Poppy isn't attached to any sort of comforter I thought it would be nice for her to have something familiar with her at nursery, so a few weeks before starting I popped a little animal comforter in her cot. I also had it in my bed for a few nights, so it had some of my scent on it too. I'm not sure whether it does help her feel more settled at nursery, but I certainly find it reassuring to know she has something familiar with her to remind her of home. 
  • Sleep training - Up until one week before starting nursery Poppy was waking up every two hours throughout the night, only falling asleep at nap times if I fed her and not even allowing my husband to settle her back to sleep. She was exhausted, as were we and I was seriously concerned about how she was going to get any sleep during the long days at nursery. This was when we decided to start sleep training and after two days she could settle herself to sleep! You can read all about how we approached sleeping training here, if you want to find out more. I know it's not for everyone, but it worked really well for us.

Initially Poppy didn't find going to nursery very easy; she would get very emotional and quite literally cling on to me for dear life. It was heartbreaking, but I didn't have a choice as I had to return to work. I looked at the timings of her settling in sessions and asked if they could be slightly changed, just so I was leaving her when she was content and happy. This was the first big step that helped to change her attitude; the other was to not hang around. As hard as it can be on the days I stayed for a while to help settle her in she was the most emotional when I left. I found leaving her straight away (and crying) extremely difficult, but I knew from experience that it was the best thing to do. It meant that Poppy could settle in quicker and get distracted by all the fun toys to play with.
 
Below are a few more ways I've found have helped settle Poppy and Isabella into nursery quickly:
  • Organise settling in sessions around nap times - Try not to be dropping off your baby just as they need a nap or at a time that will mean they'll miss a nap. They will be tired and grumpy, so requiring your comfort that bit more. Dropping them off when they're fed, happy and not sleepy is best because they'll enjoy getting engrossed in the toys a lot more.  
  • If you're not happy with the schedule your nursery has given you request to change it - After all you are the paying customer and if you're not happy with something then you should see if it can be changed. Obviously nurseries can't be completely flexible due to staffing numbers, routines and ratios, but they should certainly try and be accommodating to your requests. 
  • Request settling in sessions to be done on the nursery's quieter days - On the quieter days at nursery (ours are Monday and Friday, with Wednesday being their busiest) the staff will be able to give your child a lot more one-on-one attention to help them become familiar with their new surroundings. 
  • Give clear routine instructions - The nursery should ask you what your child's current daily routine is, so that they can try and stay inline with it. Don't be afraid to be specific with timings of naps and meals because keeping a consistent routine is very reassuring for children. We've had an issue where Poppy's sleep routine wasn't being followed for a few days, so I just wrote a polite message in her home communication book and they were back to being consistent with her home routine.
  • Leave quickly - I've worked at nurseries before and I know all too well how quickly those tears disappear once the parents have gone. They know how to guilt trip us, don't they? If you are desperate to know if they're ok then you could always ring the nursery up later to see if your chid has settled down ok. Drawing out the leaving part only seems to make it worse for everyone. 
  • Clear communication - If anything changes relating to your child then keep nursery informed, whether it be nappy rash, food dislikes/likes, activities they're enjoying at the moment or the kind of nights sleep they've had. The more information they have the more they can tailor their care towards your child. 
  • Check out the menu - This may sound like a silly one, but you'd be surprised at what kind of meals are served in some nurseries. I am very strict with the amount of sugar and salt I let both Isabella and Poppy have, so this was an important one for me. According to NHS guidelines a baby should have less than 1g of salt a day, so when I see baked beans or gravy on the menu that rings alarm bells. Half a can of Heinz Baked Beans has 1.2g salt in; a baby may not have half a can with a jacket potato, but they may have a quarter. That's 0.6g salt in just the beans, not to mention any bread, cereal etc. they will eat throughout the day. Personally that isn't something I want Poppy to have, so on her forms I made sure that I stated which foods I didn't want her to have. Yes, I may be that annoying parent who requests something different, but Poppy's health is my priority and if you feel the same don't be afraid to request it.
If you're little one is about to start nursery then I wish you both the best of luck - it has ended up being a positive change with both Isabella and Poppy, even if the initial part was hard. 

Feel free to leave a comment - I love reading every single one :) 

Helen x
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23 comments

  1. My first skipped into nursery without a care, my second clung to me like a limpet! Crazy how different they all react. Great tips here 😊

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  2. My daughter had such a had time with me leaving her. It was heartbreaking to watch. Great tips.

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  3. It’s so hard to leave them when they’re in tears, but I absolutely agree that going straight away is best. Heartbreaking sometimes though!

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  4. We're currently in the adjusting to a new montessori after being so so settled in his old childcare place and having a tough time of it, but these tips are definitely ones I'm keeping in mind. Thank you!

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  5. This post was very useful, Family is not an option due to distance, then I go back to work! I’m so nervous as she clings to me and doesn’t go to others easily, she’s 7 months and I feed and rock her to sleep. Was good to hear that she settled ok in the end

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  6. Great post, I really like the very first point, it makes so much sense once you've said to make sure your child has something familiar with them!

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  7. What a lovely post. I remember these days well. I wish we had more help like real life blogs when mine were babies :)

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  8. This is very helpful! I remember the stress of trying to settle my eldest into nursery (twice). It was hard but worked out in the end. Routine was absolutely key for us.

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  9. Oh I remember this. My oldest had settling in sessions with different nurseries but only settled into one nursery and the staff were so helpful and understanding. I was so happy when we found the right one.

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  10. As someone who works in a nursery my biggest tip is not to show your child you are upset or nervous. A cheery wave and a goodbye is much better (don't let them overhear you being nervous either)

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  11. Oh I remember all mine in nursery - it can be a heart breaking time. I used to smile brightly then collapse in tears around the corner! Kaz

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  12. don't have any of my own,but I remember all this from when my baby sister was going. thanks for sharing x

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  13. Some great tips here, leaving a child at nursery can be such an emotional time for everyone involved! My little girl really struggled to go into nursery and would get so upset. The staff would sometimes ring me to let me know how quickly she had settled and was now fine which always helped x

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  14. So many great tips. They will definitely come in handy soon.

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  15. I wasn't in my step daughters life when she started nursery, but i was when she started school. More so for last year or the start of year 5. She was so so scared and didn't want to go. So we altered her bedtime and daily routine and things started to work and she settled in very quickly. Now, she can't wait to start year 6. Hight school will be totally different issue.

    John M

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  16. When Baba started nursery, we gave him a comforter so that he could have something that was smelling like home. Love the idea of organising sessions around nap time. I did not think about that but that must help a lot!

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  17. This is such a detailed list, one I'm sure will come in handy when I have my own.
    Xx

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  18. These are such handy tips. I can't imagine how daunting it is to have to leave a child at nursery. I'm sure I will get to know some day.

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  19. We only put our children into nursery to help socialise them when they were older. There's so much choice and a lot to think about.

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  20. There's so much to think about when looking for childcare and settling little ones in. I was really lucky and Ellie settled in to her childminders straight away. It must be so hard to leave them when they're upset.

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  21. These are great tips for any new parent who are going through mixed emotions about sending their child to nursery. I personally felt so nervous about the whole process in the beginning.

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  22. Loads of great tips here. Neither of my boys have gone to nursery but my eldest went to play school when he was 2 and a half and he used to scream when I left. Like you said though, it’s better when you leave quickly, the play school staff were always good at phoning up and telling me when he’s settled down cc

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  23. This is so needed. We had no problems with our first child when he went to nursery, but our daughter is so much more attached that it's been worrying me. I'd like her to go to nursery for her own sake to try and just encourage her to enjoy some independence from us (mainly me) but it has been a worry about how we'd tackle it.

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